Listen to your GUT!

I recieved numerous emails from a lady named "Sandy"... so many that I am devoting a post to her.

Sandy is 24 years old, college educated, employed, doing great in her life. She dated a man for 6 months, who also looks good on paper, and got engaged. That is where the dysfunctional monster in her family reared its ugly head.

Her mother (twice divorced, and single) does not like that Sandy and her fiancee have been together at this point a year, and does not like the engagement ring happening at 6 months. Her mother is refusing to help pay for the wedding because she feels that her daughter needs to be engaged for a minimum of 2 more years, plus live with the man.

Her father (divorced a whopping 4 times and currently engaged to future wife number 5) thinks that Sandy isn't marrying a man who is wealthy enough, and is refusing to pay for the wedding.

That is obviously the SHORT verison of the situation, folks.

My advice:
First, re-evaluate your parents stance. Yes, they've said crazy, mean things, but make certian that they do NOT have a point. What I mean by that is:
1) does the relationship feel rushed to you?

**My husband and I met in Nov. and got engaged on valentines day, just 3 and a half months after meeting. We just knew it was right. We were married in Nov, a little over a year from the day we met. Sometimes, you just know it's right and there is no point in waiting**

2) Financially how is this guy? How are you financially? If there is any sort of debt red flag (over 10,000) then you DO need to wait a bit and get better off financially.

**My husband had 7,000 on a credit card, 3,000 for my ring, and a medical loan for 10,000 when he proposed. I let him move in with me, for free because I was 100% financially stable, and for the 8 months prior to our wedding, he paid down that debt!**

After examining your parents complaints, and making sure they are not valid, it is time for reality:

YOU WILL BE PAYING FOR YOUR WEDDING! There is no law that states that your parents are required to even so much as help pay for your wedding. That is a fact. If they say no, for whatever reason, that's it. YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN.

My parents did not contribute a dime to my wedding. Nothing. Nada. Zip. They blew all of their money on my sisters lavish affair and there was nothing left for me. My husband and I sat down with his parents and ran our court house wedding idea past them and my inlaws actually paid for our entire wedding. It is worth asking if his parents will contribute.

Next reality: DO NOT CHARGE A WEDDING!!!!! NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!! No loans, no debt, instead have a very small, tasteful event, and BUY A HOUSE. I can't tell you how many people end up with 30,000 in wedding debt and have to put house owning off for years. DO NOT DO IT!!

Believe it or not, a wedding is not the biggest day of your life (child birth is) and frankly no one remembers the wedding 5 years later. Trust me. I have photos on my wall to remind me, but seriously, I don't know what we had for dinner for our wedding.

It is time to toss those 'big wedding dreams' into the trash can and think like an adult who is about to begin a new chapter in her life.

In 5 years, what is more important:

Big wedding or a beautiful house that is making money for you, has room for a baby, and is a place to live and enjoy every single day?

**My wedding was held for free at our church. My dress was from Alfred Angelo's, very affordable, a family friend did photography, we had a reception in the church hall for free, and served finger foods, cake, and punch. total cost for all of that, including photos, flowers, cake, dress, extras: under 4,000.**

Now, my inlaws did decide to pay for a lavish dinner at a very pricey resteraunt. I could never have afforded that, they chose to do that. We let them, because they paid, take total control of that dinner. We only invited my parents, sister and her husband, and one of my aunts to the dinner and because my family didn't pay a dime, they had NO SAY in that guest list. My mother tried to give me hell for not inviting more of my key family members to that dinner, and I told her if she wanted them to attend, she had to PAY. The issue was dropped.

Remember, if YOU PAY, you get to make all the choices... but remember: A wedding is for a day, a house is for a lifetime.