The Package Deal

When you are contemplating marrying someone who already has kids from a previous encounter YOU HAVE TO VIEW IT AS A PACKAGE DEAL!

Why is this a difficult concept t grasp, folks? If you are madly in love with a man, like my friend "Betsy" is, then you have to understand your place on the totem pole of his priorities. "Betsy" is engaged to be married to a man with not one, not two, but FOUR children by another woman. Sure, this guy began really young, being only 16 when the first child was born and then having one every 14 months after that until he wound up with 4 daughters. He is now 30, his oldest daughter is 14 (such a pleasent age for teenage girls, as you can imagine) and "Betsy" can not stand his kids. What on earth! The guy- if he is any sort of decent human being- is not going to turn his back on his kids!

"Betsy" objects to the amount of child support he pays (which is REALLY small, only 20% of his total pay to support 4 kids!) and she hates sharing the house twice a month with all of the girls. After a fun filled weekend with the girls, Betsy will complain for the entire next week about the kids!!

And it is driving me nuts, so today I have advice for "Betsy":

If you don't love the guy enough to accept his kids (you don't have to love them, but you do have to accept them) -back out of the wedding.

If you are up at night over the amount of child support he is paying now, can you handle the thought of paying half of EACH CHILD'S COLLEGE TUITION? If not, back out of the wedding.

If you can not tolerate his kids being a part of your life until the day that you die, it is time to back out of the wedding.

Bottom line: Either accept the children for what they are, (his flesh and blood, his first babies whom he will always love and who will always be a top priority in his life) AND accept the financial and personal responsibility that those children will require from you, or walk away. You can either accept or leave.

You can not have him and not accept the kids. Life doesn't work that way, because eventually, you will leave or he will leave you. It is one or the other, acceptance or walking papers.

So "Betsy" - it is decision time. With 3 months left until the big day, either accept or cancel the flowers.